oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
