I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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