The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
