Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
