i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
