On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
