I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
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when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
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You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We had sex on a dog bed..
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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