If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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