If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
