I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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