Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize