Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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