you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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