im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
