It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You ate ashes out of my bong
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
