No stitches, just platelets and will power
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
