Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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