I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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