her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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