I feel great
I just peed on a car
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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