Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
