You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the condom got lost in my hair
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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