hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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