Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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