I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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