So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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