Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
