had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
