MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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