he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
we're so committed to being not committed
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
