Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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