so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize