Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
