He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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