Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Dick very happy bro
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
