Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
