just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
