it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
