it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
