I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My liver just had a heart attack.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
