he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
