I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
