Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.