I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on