gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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