Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
