i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
