Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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