so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
