You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
