idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
