I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
