I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
