My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
This house was built for laser tag.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
