so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
