Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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