In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
