That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
