Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Randomize
