in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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