Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
