omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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