the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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