I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
