Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize