sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
