YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
