I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
