Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
