i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
