you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
