If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Randomize
