girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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