Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
