Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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