I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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