The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
