so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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