I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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