There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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