Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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