you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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